Mediumship! I avoided it like the plague for years, because of its bad reputation. Hollywood demonizing it and having people telling me to be careful of the devil as a tarot reader was bad enough. Even my husband was concerned about possession and evil spirits. So how did I get here after promising my husband that I wouldn’t get involved in communicating with spirits? Well, he will be the first to tell you that I am not an obedient woman. Secondly, you can pick your own conspiracy. Perhaps Hollywood doesn’t know boo about mediumship. Or perhaps they villainize it as a means to scare the masses, because imagine if everyone tapped into the ether and connected with spirits, or their own intuition how much valuable knowledge and insights they could possibly gain. For me the benefits outweigh the risks. I joke with my husband that I am more afraid of people than spirits at this point in my life.
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It’s no secret that I have always been fascinated by anything related to magic, fantasy, spiritual, or signs in general from the universe as a kid. It was an escape from real life, and made me feel connected to something magical and bigger than myself. However; if you were to have asked my mother back then I was trying to fill a void from an absent father, or creating a fictional and stable world for myself as we moved around, and dealt with family traumas. If you were to ask a therapist, they would probably tell you that I was disassociating. I never viewed my love for magic, fantasy, or acknowledging signs from the universe as a coping mechanism, but I was also only 7 or 8 years old at the time so what did I know?
As a teenager and into my twenties my family often labeled me as having “Peter Pan Syndrome.” My favorite quote as a teenager was “Those who don’t believe in magic, will never find it.” Old habits die hard, and the more I tried to fit in, the less comfortable I felt in my own skin.
At 17 years old I had met someone who not only embraced my authenticity but was in love with it. He was my first love. Our love was our own magic and it was intoxicating for the both of us. Young love always thinks they will make it to the end. However, when that relationship ended two years later; after evidence of lying and cheating, and finding out that all my insecurities were valid… I was left shattered in a million pieces that took years to put back together. That healing journey never came with the closure, answers, and peace I prayed for back then. At 19 years old I knew that that break up was not normal for any girl to go through. And now almost 40 years old I pray to god that my children never have to endure anyone like that in their life. Til this day, I still don’t know if it was my intuition telling me that something was wrong, or if Spirit was trying to warn me, because I knew I was in for a world of hurt the first time I met one of the other women. But when you’re a teenage psychic who doesn’t realize that they are psychic and you’re getting all of these warnings, feelings, and visions, and ‘psychic hits’ only to be gaslit and told that you’re crazy can truly make you feel crazy, and make it hard to trust your own intuition, or feelings.
As a teenager I remember my mom telling me about this old lady who was a psychic named Cookie based out of Berkley Michigan and the amazing reading she had with her. My mom had lost her grandma in 1994 and would often cry out loud “grandma, why did you leave me.” In 2004 was when my mother had her reading with Cookie, and Cookie took my mother by the hand and said for verbatim, “Dorothy wants me to tell you she never left you.” Dorothy was the name of my mother’s grandma. I was so awestruck by that story, it left a lifelong impression.
I thought if Cookie could offer that sense of peace, closure, healing and magic for my mom then I had to see her. Maybe she could help provide the insights and closure I needed to move on from the volatile relationship I had. When I did see her, she was everything my mother had said and more.
I had always thought that gifts like Cookie’s were something you had to be born with or inherent… Not that my mom and grandma don’t have their own spiritual traits, and attributes, but I think the difference was as devout Catholics they never went digging, or tried to hone in on their gifts, or asking questions the way I did. As a kid I was not able to recognize their skills, and cultural practices as something spiritual until I was old enough to recognize it. However, growing up in a Catholic family everything was always hush hush, so that is where I stayed…. In the hush-hush psychic closet.
I was naive to my own talents and potential until an amazing woman came into my life… A psychic I hired for a Halloween party that read my guest’s cards. When it was my turn for a tarot reading she told me that I should be the one giving readings. I didn’t think I was able to do that, because again I thought being psychic or a tarot reader was something that you had to be born with or inherit… And I definitely didn’t have any tarot readers in my family that I knew of…
The reader cleared up all my misconceptions for me and told me anyone can learn to read tarot. She was my first tarot teacher 11 years ago and is still one of my most treasured friends till this day. Once I embraced my calling and started living authentically my mom and grandma soon followed me out of the hush-hush closet and started sharing their own experiences. Talk about breaking generational curses!
This however did not make me popular with my other very Catholic and Christian family members. After supporting my aunt and her children for years, I was told by my aunt does not believe in what I do, and that it was against the bible and handed me back my business card in front of the whole family, refusing to look at it, or take it. I felt judged, and looked down upon as soon as I came out of the psychic closet, I wanted to crawl right back in there and hide. As she slid the card back across the table, with a pious tone she mustered a “no offense.” I believe my grandma and mom saw the hurt in my eyes, but it didn’t matter. You might as well have put me in a black fluffy wool sweater, with a bell around my neck and told me to say “Baaaa….” That was my first lesson in learning that psychics, tarot readers, and mediumship isn’t for everyone, and people will put their own religious beliefs before supporting their own family if they don’t align with their views or ideologies. As hurt as I was, it thickened my skin.
In 2019 and after having kids, I felt like I lost a part of me. I was looking desperately to find something, but I didn’t know what it was. This time in my life was also briefly mentioned in my other blog, because after children there was a turning point where I wanted to feel like myself again. Although I loved being a mom, I knew deep down that wasn’t all I was meant to be. In 2019- 2022 like many people I went through another awakening and decided to get back in touch with my psychic and tarot roots after taking a break to focus on my career in the medical field and raising a family.
Somewhere in 2021-2022 I got over my fears and the stigmas surrounding mediumship, that Hollywood had demonized and was ready to learn. Once I started practicing mediumship something within my soul finally clicked, and my world started to make a bit more sense. It was like I found my missing puzzle piece, and my dormant- suppressed fascination and love with magic, fantasy, signs, psychics, and spiritual connections woke up from hibernation, and the magnetic pull it had over me for decades now all made sense. All the questions I strived to find the answers to, were answered once I learned and embraced mediumship in my life, as well as owning my authenticity, while unapologetically diving deep into my subconscious flirting with these taboo practices. I learned that I had to surrender in order to achieve a divine and mystical connection and have that experience. Aside from everything I learned, practicing mediumship helped me resolve my fear of death.
Early on while in a practice mediumship session with a volunteer (also known as a sitter), I began talking about the sitter’s grandmother. In the middle of a reading I interrupted myself and asked them “was your grandmother’s name Dorothy?!,” in a very matter of fact way. After the client said yes, and was shocked (I being even more shocked) knew that I could never ignore my calling or look back… and that was my sign to keep going and that the very story about my great grandma Dorothy that my mom had told me years ago with her reader cookie, that had ignited my heart in 2004, and Dorothy being the first name I ever gave a person almost 20 years later in a mediumship session early on in my career was not a coincidence. In that reading I knew my great grandma Dorothy was with me, as she had witnessed everything coming full circle for me.
Even with all that you would think I could believe in myself however, based off childhood and teenage experiences I lacked belief and confidence I sought out a therapist to make sure I was not crazy or delusional. Because the deeper I dove into mediumship the more images, memories, and voices became clearer. And because I didn’t understand how I was able to do this and questioned my sanity. The imposter syndrome was real! Once I proved what I could do in a reading to my therapist he was dumbfounded and said “I don’t know how you’re doing that, but you are not a fraud, and you’re really doing it.” He told me he wanted to focus on helping me get over my fear of success, because I could really do phenomenal things. And at those words, I realized how correct he was in saying that I had a fear of success. Somehow having a boomer; white left brained male, with decades of counseling experience and a degree, who never subscribed to believing in psychics or mediums believed in me, and after years of criticism from family, a history with a tragic love life, that’s all I needed… Was someone who wasn’t just humoring me, but actually supported and believed me. And I was able to find that peace from someone that I never even met in person. Thank you Tele-A-Health! The irony was never lost on me that; when I needed or should have had therapist as a teenager, I chose to get psychics readings in order to heal. And once I embraced the psychic-mediumship part of my life, and realized that I was able to do it, I turned right back to traditional therapy to make sure I wasn’t crazy, when psychics and mediums would have understood more of what was going on in my mind.
After successful after successful practice mediumship readings, I enrolled in a 9 month intensive mediumship program with the wonderful and internationally acclaimed; Lisa Bousson who since then has been a wonderful friend and mentor. As much as I have learned over the years, my take away is that there is no exact art or since in mediumship, or maybe we are not supposed to know how it works. Working with Spirits requires all the things I was never good at; faith, trust, and surrendering. Those things never came naturally to me. Spirit will often offer or show me downloads, pictures, or words and I offer them to the client hoping that they will understand, and if not then I have to interrupt what I believe is to be memories, symbols, metaphors, and analogies.
Even though Spirit is an intelligent entity, it sometimes still feels like I am working with someone who is playing a poor game of Pictionary, charades, and telephone. It’s even more challenging when they start speaking in Spanish when I don’t understand Spanish, however; come to find out my client does, and can translate what they are saying! However; without even speaking Spanish, it’s normal for things to get lost in translation, and no psychic or medium will ever be 100% accurate. We are still human and there is always room for error. Spirits could be showing me things literally and it may be symbolic, or the client may not understand the evidence or message until later; which also happens often, because I am essentially putting someone on the spot.
I tell my clients that tarot is my first language, and mediumship is my second language. I will always make an honest and good faith effort to offer the client what I am receiving but will never make any promise or guarantees that a specific spirit will pick up the phone when I call, or who will pick up the phone when I place the call. However, when I do get those symbols, signs, and memories from Spirit in the form of pictures in my head of something as random as a broken bedroom fan, or finding white feathers; or seeing a situation that involves a daughter, her grandfather, and an iguana and the client understands these as current situations or memories, I can then tell the client’s heart is full, and they know without a shadow of a doubt that their loved ones are with them in those moments offer loving message of appreciation, apologizes, closure, and sometimes even family secret recipes.
This is the magic, healing and peace that I live for and have been training for my whole life without even knowing it. I truly believe that Spirit was leaving me bread crumbs for me to be on this path for better or for worse. If my soul contract never included heart break, I wouldn’t be where I am today. If I can help heal broken hearts or offer closure, and peace to my clients then all the craziness along the way was worth it. And knowing that, that feeling is exactly what my mom felt two decades when she received her mediumship reading from Cookie and knowing how badly she needed to hear that warms my heart and keeps me going. Because at this point in my life, I can recognize mediumship and connection with Spirit as part of my calling and purpose. ✨